Loony Left: Friday 13th edition

The week's madness courtesy of the European Union, European Investment Bank, Ken Livingstone (obviously), the Guardian, Obama, Ozzie Guillen, and the civil servant who did nothing for 14 years

E783ceb7b70da27aff158c77f0a04092bc92a780
Ed: "Whoever smelt it, dealt it"
Missing
The Humph
On 13 April 2012 12:09

1. EU HAIRDRESSING

Ah, the EU.

Sometimes it can be at least nominally challenging to prove even to a fence-sitter – never mind a bona fide, signed-up EU enthusiast – the lunacy of the EU without sounding like you have a chip on your shoulder the size of Brussels’s budget.

And then there are times when it does the job for you.

A new European Union proposal – to be signed between EU Coiffure and UNI Europa Hair & Beauty (I know, right?) – will mean that hairdressers in the UK will not be able to wear high heel shoes, watches and rings.

Whether or not hairdressers will be allowed to pick their noses without prior consultation with and approval from a council of unelected bureaucrats is unclear, but the proposal will also encourage hairdressers to “gossip” to promote mental wellbeing.

Glad to see our tax is being well spent.

2. UK TAXPAYERS TO STUMP UP FOR MORE TREES…

Speaking of tax being well spent by the EU, you’re going to love this one.

The British taxpayer will be exposed to even greater liabilities thanks to an EU scheme to assist with funding for a number of forests to offset carbon emissions.

Hmm, I don’t like the sound of the exposure to debt, but I suppose I do like trees; more forests could be nice I guess…

OK, I’m in. When can we reap the benefit of wonderful woodland walks?

What’s that? The forests will be in China!?

Unfortunately, yes. You see the EU scheme, agreed to by the Treasury, will see the Luxembourg-based European Investment Bank (EIB) lend £210million to the world’s second largest economy so that it can’t plant a load of trees…there…in China…yes, that China; 5000 miles away.

Amazingly, the British taxpayer will underwrite the loan, covering 16p in every pound of the debt that is not paid back – potentially more than £30million. Add that to the rest of the climate change packages that the UK has underwritten in the last year alone and the figure is nearly £1billion. Lovely.

3. OLD, BALDING AND EVIDENTLY EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE

I was reminded of the famous Kennedy-Nixon debate analogy this week. Dispelled as a myth by some, the old story goes that those who viewed the debate on television thought that the handsome Kennedy took it ahead of the sweaty mess of a man that Nixon became on the night. Conversely, it has been said that those tuning in to the radio waves thought the opposite.

So quite what Red Ken was thinking when he pulled this latest stunt -- and, in light of rumours that the people who appeared in Ken's campaign video were actors, a stunt it surely is -- I don't know. Boris is no James Dean to be sure but you’d give him shorter odds than Ken to get lucky on a night out at the best of times. When, as Guido pointed out on Wednesday, Ken is looking like an exhausted and tired old man in tears, surely it’s time for the bookmakers to stop taking bets?

Or maybe Ed has just been farting raw onions again.

NEXT PAGE FOR THE GUARDIAN'S NEW DIGITAL JOURNALISM COURSE AND OBAMA THE EASTER BUNNY...

Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus