4. TOM AND JERRY WOLFOWITZ?

The dastardly brainwashing antics of the pesky lot at Burj Luq-Luq are not unprecedented. Not if you believe Sudanese professor Muhammad Waqi’Ullah anyway who claims that there is a sinister side to Superman movies and Tom and Jerry cartoons. Specifically, Waqi'Ullah claimed that a neoconservative agenda, which allegedly promotes the survival of the fittest and the destruction of the weak, is subliminally infused within the famous American works of fiction...

First of all, let's get the biggest faux pas out of the way: white socks with a suit -- don't do it kids.

Now, to the stuff of secondary importance. If Waqi'Ullah had ever actually seen an episode of Tom and Jerry, he'd be fully aware that the ostensibly "weak" character, Jerry, runs rings around the Great Satan Tom in every episode. What are we to deduce from this? That Tom and Jerry is in fact a sophisticated piece of al-Qaeda propaganda which is designed to teach little ones the ways and means of asymmetrical, insurgency warfare? The game is up, Waqi'Ullah! Your secret is out!

And another thing: has he ever read Thomas Hobbes, who he accuses of asserting that the weak must be crushed by the strong? (the very thing Hobbes warned against in Leviathan)

Somebody chuck this guy some Ayn Rand and get the camera rolling...I smell a YouTube hit...

5. GREENPEACE PORKY-PIES

One of Greenpeace's favourite smears is to claim that anybody not on side is by definition a sadistic, cigar-smoking fat-cat who brushes their teeth with toothpaste made from crushed orangutan skull and has their cornflakes with crude oil instead of milk. Or something like that.

The truth is, we are interested in just that: the truth.

Which is inconvenient for Greenpeace as when it inevitably comes out, they end up looking a little silly for scaling buildings, breaking and entering, or indeed boycotting (franchised) fast food outlets on the grounds of a bunch of half-truths, exaggerations and plain porkies.

This week, GreenCEASE has exposed the similarly-named NGO for basing its whole hoopla on KFC, and the paper it uses for its chicken buckets, on information which, at the very least, falls under the category of "half-truth" -- and in fact is better suited to the status of "plain porky".

You see, the line regularly trotted out to the media -- that Indonesia loses “approximately 5 million acres of forest to logging a year” -- is actually a pseudo-fact based on a report by the Orwellian-sounding Global Forest Watch (GFW) of which there is no indication of peer review and which is at least decade out of date.

The up-to-date numbers of the Indonesian government actually paint a very different picture. But, seeing as they too brush their teeth with monkey skull, who's buying that, eh?

Dane Vallejo is Associate Editor of The Commentator. Follow him on Twitter @DaneVallejo