Thirty reasons to be cheerful in modern Britain -- PART 1

You think we've got problems? Luxury lad...

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What could possibly go wrong?
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Adrian Moss
On 9 July 2012 10:28

Rain, rain, rain, the Libor scandal, recession, Ed Balls… but things could be a lot worse. Here’s thirty things to be happy about.

1.  The man controlling the Andy Murray robot has lost his remote control.

2.  You don’t have to get your news from the BBC.

3.  Only people born before 1940 really know what ‘austerity’ means.

4.  You are perfectly entitled to ignore the weird bleating emanating from any Bishop.

5.  The Olympic build was on time.

6.  The EU has not yet besieged a major city.

7.  When you flick a switch the light comes on.

8.  London Welsh.

9.  You go to the shop. There’s food in the shop.

10.  You don’t have to go to the bank en route to A&E.

11.  You have never experienced a food riot or a bread queue.

12.  Death and pestilence do not stalk the land.

13.  Green politics is confined to Brighton.

14.  There’s been a little tinkering but you still have freedom of expression.

15.  79% of Britain’s land area is rural. We haven’t yet ‘concreted over everything’.

16.  When you turn on the tap, the water comes out.

17.  Gordon Brown is nowhere near the country’s finances.

18.  Tom Cruise has been cast as Jack Reacher. Nothing will be as funny until John Prescott is cast as Tom Thumb.

19.  Wimbledon is over for another year. Sue Barker is back in her box.

20.  David Cameron hasn’t left anything in the pub for a while.

21.  You haven’t had to water the plants for months.

22.  Nick Clegg isn’t actually in charge of anything important.

23.  The Royal Marines are on our side. And so are the Paras.

24.  22% of the earth’s land surface is nonecumene. Not even so much as a tyre track or a fag butt.

25.  Chris Huhne. Who he?

26.  Ed Ball’s incompetent grasp of economics is currently underutilized.

27.  The Alternative Vote got its arse well and truly kicked from Highgate to Margate.

28.  Germany didn’t win Euro 2012.

29.  As long as we still have the four horsemen of the Hypocrisy (Harriet Harman, Polly Toynbee, Jack Dromey and Diane Abbot), we can, even on a bad day, feel morally superior.

30.  Politicians have stupidly long holidays. Grasp just how wonderful that is. The less time the monkey is in charge of the signal box, the smaller the chances of an accident.

Adrian Moss is a Contributing Editor to The Commentator and a screenwriter and chapter-contributor to "Prime Minister Boris and Other Things Which Never Happened..."

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