The Assange Diaries
Holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy, Julian Assange shares his thoughts...
I hate to say this but I'm getting a bit sick of guinea pig.
I’ve had it boiled, broiled, fried, baked, roasted, fricasseed, on toast, in a pie, on rice, with chips. I even had a meaty omelette the other day and I’m pretty sure that was guinea pig too.
It's certainly a very flexible ingredient. I just don't happen to like it very much. That’s all.
Been thinking recently that the French Embassy might have been a better choice.
Or the Italian. I'd kill for a plate of pasta right now.
Went to the embassy library. Re-read the Official Ecuadorian History Volume 3. Still don't understand some of the references. Nothing much else on the shelves and Amazon have cancelled my account.
Read The Times. Got a bit angry. Wrote several answers to the letters page. Was about to pop out for a stamp when burly Ecuadorian security guard Jose stopped me with an outstretched hand and a wink. At first I thought he was joking, then the penny dropped.
With heavy heart, I went back the library.
Filled in all the 'a's and ‘o’s on the comment page of The Quito Herald and Express. Made a sailor’s hat from the fashion supplement. Wore the hat and looked through the curtains at the Police ranked outside. Took hat off and went for a nap.
Afternoon quite slow. Constant pan-pipe musak getting on my nerves again.
Had dinner with the Ambassador this evening.
Spent the morning watching the cricket until Fernando came in and switched it over to "Los Lobos", an Ecuadorian soap opera. Not difficult to follow. The guy with the mustache is having an affair with the young, pretty girl, who is the wife of the slightly fatter guy with the mustache. And his mother in law (also with mustache), is blackmailing the gardener; the short guy with the smaller mustache.
Played solitaire in the afternoon.
And in the evening.
Watched test match until lunchtime and then switched over to “Los Lobos”. Not absolutely sure but think it could have been the same episode.
Met with Juan, the Cultural Attaché and asked him if “Los Lobos” was repeated daily. He said that the way things are going that I should probably start learning Spanish. UK Government unlikely to change mind. Could be here for the duration.
Whatever that means.
Went back to my room after a morning of Official Ecuadorian History Volume 4. (My email has been closed down and my ISP won’t recognize me. Bloody Government hackers - haven't they got anything better to do than to disrupt the privacy of my communications?).
Went over to the desk and sensed immediately that something was wrong. Am now pretty convinced someone is reading this diary. The barefaced cheek of it. Don't they know this is private? For my eyes only? How dare they read my private materials?
Went downstairs and challenged Fernando about it and he shrugged his shoulders and said something about geese, sauce and ganders which went over my head a bit. Ecuadorian sense of humour a bit difficult to penetrate sometimes.
Asked if he could consider smuggling me out in a diplomatic bag and he just laughed.
Went upstairs and played solitaire. Won 5 games in a row.
Had guinea pig for tea. Kind of curried, which was actually quite nice. Think I may be getting a taste for it after all.
Fernando thinks, in the circumstances, that this is a very positive development.
Adrian Moss is a Contributing Editor to The Commentator and a screenwriter
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