Have you been radicalised, poor thing?
He's affectionately now known as Jihadi John. But how he could possibly have been "radicalised" is apparently a total mystery to the BBC and the British establishment. As we continue to commit civilisational suicide, sometimes only satire will do
Have you been radicalised? Have you picked up the terrible “radical bug” that’s been spreading throughout Britain in the last few years? No? Perhaps then you are one of those who believe they are immune? “It could never happen to me”, you say. Well, all I can say is... be careful.
You see, being radicalised really can happen to anyone, anyone at all. It can happen to the Dalai Lama, the Pope, even old ladies bicycling through the English mist to church on a summer’s day. Anyone at all can be radicalised, anyone can succumb to it.
What happens is this. You wake up one fine morning and, completely inexplicably, you find yourself with this big urge to go out onto the streets and start butchering people. Sometimes it’s even worse than that. Sometimes you get an even bigger urge to have yourself videoed beheading someone, holding up the severed head, and then showing it around the world on the internet.
Security people tasked with controlling the outbreak are totally baffled as to how it is spread. Nobody knows how folks catch it and, to make matters worse, there’s no known cure for it. Not only that, it appears that in many cases the patient doesn’t even want to be cured.
He or she will often leave the country to avoid detection. A sort of fatalism then sets in, with the patient wanting to butcher more and more people.
As I say, it’s all totally baffling, with all the experts left scratching their heads in puzzlement.
However, at least in Britain there’s some good news. Thanks largely to the BBC the British people have no end of sympathy for those infected with the radical bug, particularly when it’s a young person.
For example, one young man from west London (“Jihadi John” as he is affectionately known), is thought to have picked up the radical bug when he was at school. And now, thanks to the wonderful BBC who bravely and honestly told the blunt facts about our Johnny, there’s no end of national sympathy for him.
The British people took to the streets and wept openly when they heard the BBC’s account of how Jihadi John had been radicalised. “If only we could have caught him in time”, people said. “If only we all had done much more to help”.
But no, as the BBC kept reminding them, the British people had let poor Jihadi John down. They had selfishly forced this young man to leave his Kuwaiti paradise and come to Britain to enrich their own selfish lives, only to ignore him in his hour of greatest need.
The British people had refused to down tools, bring the country to a standstill and come to Johnny's aid in his hour of weakness and now it’s all too late. Everyone, alas, is to blame.
But at least we can say with some pride that the great British media did not let the nation down. The BBC in particular stood out -- and still stands out -- like a Churchillian beacon of light in its search for answers.
“Why did it have to be Jihadi John who fell victim to radicalisation?” the BBC Today programme demanded to know. “Why not a Yorkshire coal miner or a Devon farmer? Why did it have to be a well educated Kuwaiti young man?”
Baffling! Totally baffling! Even the experts of MI5 who have studied the radical bug for years are totally baffled.
“We’ve no idea what causes radicalisation”, they sadly admit. “All we can do at this stage is to provide outreach and back-up services to the next Jihadi John and make sure the British people don’t neglect their duties in future."
We should be thoroughly ashamed of ourselves!
Vincent Cooper is a regular contributor to The Commentator
We are wholly dependent on the kindness of our readers for our continued work. We thank you in advance for any support you can offer.