BREAKING: Cameron to announce urinals in British pubs would be removed after Brexit

British men would no longer be able to go to the toilet in British pubs in the event of Brexit, David Cameron has said. Most urinals are subject to an EU patent. After Brexit, Brits would have to pee on the street

by Project Fear, or Captain Spoof? on 15 May 2016 16:38

Urinal

Prime Minister David Cameron is set to announce that urinals in British pubs would have to be removed if voters elect to leave the European Union in the June 23 referendum.

According to sources inside Number 10, most urinals in British pubs are patented under European law. Should Britons vote to leave the EU, ownership of the urinals would fall under the "9 tenths possession principle", meaning that any regular of a British pub would have the right to claim ownership of any urinal in which he had relieved himself.

IMF lawyers told The Commentator:

"The legal implications would, in one sense, be vast. But there's an easy way to find relief. We would advise clients to sell their pubs before regulars start claiming ownership of the entire toilet.

"Should a plaintiff be able, credibly, to claim that British pubs had allowed people to break wind in their toilets, this would be an aggravating factor."

The Bank of England said that recession would be inevitable if British men were unable to take a pee after having a couple of pints:

"Best to stay in the EU," said Governor Mark Carney. "We failed to predict the 2007/8 crash, the greatest economic downturn in modern history. But we have a great track record when it comes to wind and piss. Trust us."

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